Dating On Wheels: 20 year old can’t catch a break

Dear Tiffiny,

I’m a 20 year old guy with Friedrich’s Ataxia, a very rare genetic disorder, similar to Muscular Dystrophy. I’ve been in a wheelchair since age 14, and have never dated. Not that I haven’t tried. 

I’ve asked girls out and have tried loads of dating sites, but with no luck. Girls I ask out say no, and girls on dating sites rarely respond. Friends (who do happen to be girls, but aren’t my “girlfriends”) have said I’m handsome, so I don’t think I’m rejected because I’m ugly.

I’ve felt depressed at times, because I’m never able to attract the right type of girl. Any advice?

Thanks!

Andrew

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Dear Andrew,

Thanks for writing! Oh man, so sorry to hear about you’re dating troubles. It’s true, women can be lame, and while we’re at it, closed-minded (like so many humans in general). When you have a serious disability, one of the biggest hurdles we will encounter in life is finding a romantic partner we enjoy (I’m sure you’ve considered trying to date a woman you’re not attracted to; never a good idea).

But let’s back things up here. You’re only 20, which means you just started your adult life. I know as a dude, you’re probably rearin’ to go and can’t wait to lose your virginity (and maybe, you know, date girl), but at 20 you’re not that late in the game. When I was 19, I was in the same situation as you: I was a virgin and thought I would never find someone who would look past my disability, but as I blossomed into my twenties, before I knew it I had had plenty of dating experience.  Lesson number one, give yourself more time.

The next thing I have to ask: What do you say when you write women on dating sites? Do you focus too much on your disability…or not at all? This can be a fine line and can greatly affect how people respond to you. I always recommend briefly touching on your disability (as well as assuring you can still have sex), because let’s face it – this is a number one concern of able-bodied people when dating someone with a disability.

But also at the same time, you don’t want to make it the focal point of your message. Referencing and talking about disability can be so hard with new people. I have a feeling this may be part of your problem.

You should also make sure you compliment these ladies when you first write. Compliments are SO powerful. Every woman wants to feel beautiful. If you can make her feel beautiful, like truly, you’ll be surprised at the responses you get from women.

And last but not least, practice honing in on your sexuality; the kind that people can sense when walking into the room. Doing this may help your chances when hitting on women in person. This can be hard when you have a disability, but I don’t care how severe it your disability is, it can be done. A little cologne, perhaps talking a little bit sexier or even wearing something that shows your fashion sense, all can help women start thinking of you as a sexual being. It may feel awfully cheesy at first, but trust me, it can’t hurt (especially in your situation_.

All right, that’s all I’ve got. Just remember, dating is never easy, whether it’s online for offline, and especially if you have a disability. Just stick with it, perhaps consider dating different types of women too (maybe even someone with a disability). It’s only a matter of time before you find a mutual attraction with a special lady.

Chin up, Andrew. It will happen.

Wishing you luck in love,

Tiffiny