What’s Pissing Me Off – The April 6th Edition

To all over you annoying male C5-6 (and lower) quads out there (I’m sorry to say this…), but fuck you.

I’m SO sick and tired of these machismo “know it all” SCI men who have the same injury level as me, and tell me I didn’t work hard enough in rehab and that I should be able to transfer myself and do all of my OWN cares.

Fuck you for being so pompous!

What?? You don’t think I worked my ass off hard enough in rehab to try to be as independent as possible? Needing PCA’s everyday SUCKS ASS, I hate it, so how can you accuse me of being lazy?

Simply put: Men, with SCI or without SCI, will always and forever have more (and stronger) muscle groups than us females. It’s a proven fact. THAT’S why you’ll commonly see a C6 quad guy who can transfer himself, but a woman with the same injury who cannot. Saying she’s lazy is nothing but offensive.

Ok, rant over.

– Tiff

PS. This just really needed to be said. I’ve had this continual criticism directed towards me from SCI men for 14+ years. Stop being jackholes, ok?

21 comments
  1. Men can be real assholes with their macho mentality. I’ve been guily myself, thankfully not to often…my better half keeps me in line. Tiff, these boys you’ve encountered have not fully grown up and don’t comprehend some of the differences between men and women. I don’t have a PCA, but without my wifes help with certain things, I would be left in some precarious situations.

    You’re right Tiff, fuck those assholes. Besides, they don’t do half the things you do…or look as good as you doing it!

  2. if it were only limited to quad men!
    i’m a t4 para, and I am here to say: I use a transfer board. oh my, the grief I get over that one, actually, come to think of it, mostly from a c6 male quad! for whatever reason, long torso, tons of metal in my back, I cannot trasfer very well w/o one, so I use it, and the grief never ends. I was recently in rehab, and naturally all the PTs saw it as their mission to change, which didn’t happen, because, I CAN’T.
    but back to YOU, no one should judge you or tell you what’s best for you because they don’t inhabit your body or life. they should be happy for you that you have found ways to be independent and accomplish what you want in life.
    i for one really wonder why these ppl at all, but it tell me i’ve adjusted to this SCI a lot better than the “jocks” because I’m too busy living my own life to care.

  3. hey Tiff, your right those boys- men don’t know everyones ability. who are they to tell anyone what they should be doing. i am a t5-t6 para and their is no way i will ever tell someone they should be doing something. if you can’t do it , you can’t do it,simple . some people think we can’t do things and their are people who thinks we can do much more then we can. these people are just a-holes i don’t pay any attention to them and just tell them what they are. some times i think it is ok to challenges us with saying you can’t do this or that but if we tell you we can’t then it is different. we know our own weaknesses and strengths. i encourage people to do more but thats all any one should do, right? great job on calling them out. 🙂

  4. You’re right on with this one (as usual). The problem is absolutely pervasive in all realms of life, though – it’s not unique to quads, paras or even disabilities. Instead of trying to understand others and their _real_ individual strengths and weaknesses, people find it much, much easier to either assume the worst or assume that everyone is just like them. People’s varied reactions to disability are particularly rant-worthy because it’s just so far outside of many people’s understanding, yet those same people somehow they feel like experts in what others can and cannot do.

    A little part of me wonders if good looks and confidence aren’t actually part of the problem. Several regulars here are super-successful, smoking hot, and actively engaged in life. It could be that this is mistaken, even by people who are ostensibly in-the-know, as an indicator of physical strength, but clearly, the two are uncorrelated.

    I say keep up the rants. The beatings will continue until morale improves.

  5. i’m so glad everyone is agreeing with me on this! i thought i was the only one. ha.

  6. I have no clue how it is to be paralyzed. Im not even sure what T1-Q6 means. But I know you, Tiff, you seem like one strong mo fo that doesn’t take no shit! Ive told ppl about you and your accomplishments. They were amazed and they admirer your strength, as a woman, that happens to be disabled. Fuck who ever thinks different!

  7. That sounds infuriating! I’d smack those guys.

  8. I agree 100% Tiff. It is a terribly destructive attitude. It is a shameful way to treat another person with a disability. I mean, those of us who have to deal with this way of life should be extra supportive.

    It goes to show you, ignorance is not just limited to the AB population.

  9. i’m shocked this still happens to you, i was treated like that in rehab for years but not since then. i was never really strong/built before my injury yet i think because i’m male they expected more, so it can go both ways when being picked on i guess. I say run then boys over with your power chair babe:)

  10. the problem is these guys pump up their machismo (due to feeling like less of a “man” because of their chair) and think they can still boss SCI women around, and end up, unintentionally, looking like aholes.

  11. where beauty is acknowledged in everyone.
    no matter what.

    Except, maybe, C5-6 quad guys who are able to be independent. Their beauty can’t be seen through your jealousy of their abilities.

  12. johan, that’s ridiculous. never in my life would i be jealous of another paralyzed person, you silly silly man. you dont get the point of this post at all :/

  13. ps. johan, youre like the exact reason this post ever came to being in the first place. your post in itself proves how many a male SCI man can be REALLY dumb. so…LOL…thank for posting!

    youve proven my point better than i ever could.

  14. i can’t comment on this in particular, i don’t recall having this happen to me, but of course i’ve been talked down to and treated like i was mentally deficient, as we all have, so i know the general feeling. this johan guy is un-frickin-believable in his statement! that’s one of those that, on one hand, you’d like to find him and meet him solely to smack him in the head, preferably with a metal baseball bat, but on the other hand, don’t want to waste your time or energy on someone so…what would that be? sexist? disable-ist? one of those -ists.

  15. Coming in on this one late-after over 20 years in a chair- as T12 L1 para- this is also one of my peeves. We are not all cut out with cookie-cutter injuries/disabilities- they vary so much and as you said, and the factor of the muscular difference between the male and female bodies to boot. (I’ve had my back fused twice and have some metal in there – it makes a difference! )You need to take such assholes back to school Tiff- set them straight the moment such bullshit begins to dribble out of their naive mouths. If anyone ever tries that bs on- tell them until they can fucking get up and walk again to STFU!
    There is a kid that uses skatepark bowls in a chair ( he’s a para I think) and goes off a ramp- somersaults in air and lands the chair back on wheels- bad ass for sure! But not all of us are going to be able to do that sort of thing – .

  16. Johan – come on man – WTF????

  17. i know, huh maija! lol

  18. when i was in rehab the pt’s pushed me to transfer and dress myself – even if it took me an hour to transfer and 2 1/2 hrs. to dress. they said i could always get up early! i used my pca’s to do all that when i got home, but i’ve felt like a failure ever since rehab because i never accomplished those “abilities”. since then i’ve run into a couple female quads that could do both and got shit from them. so, it’s not just boys. i can transfer into bed, but it takes a board and someone to lift my legs up when i get my ass over.

    even in the hospital after my accident – i never listened to what other quads accomplished because it made no sense. two people can have the exact same level and have completely different strengths and weaknesses that play into a hundred different muscle and feeling factors that make their abilities nothing alike.

    screw the boys (and girls) that dissed you. most of them do it themselves, but look and feel like shit.

  19. Thanks Miki – I thought I was the only girl who felt like a failure when I couldn’t do the stuff they were trying to get me to do in rehab. Aside from the physical incapability (aka. strength), I’m quite scared of falling etc.. Not great with confidence on the activities of daily living requiring risk. But this is not a post-sci thing. I’ve never been a risk taker with physical feats! Only heaven knows how I got this sci which is stereotyped to be an injury associated with activity involving increased risk taking! Murderball? They can have it lol…watching is cool though 😛

  20. basically we are always gonna be different: ab, da, pre-sci, post-sci. i like it like that.

  21. I’m a c6 complete quad and I’ve been completely blind since birth. I’m a female, and I’m totally independant in everything I do. It’s not just that males are generally stronger than females, but that everyone is different. If you have 100 people with the “same” injury at the “same” level no one will be exactly the same in the end. I guess some people just don’t realize that.

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