by Tiff -

A Textile Survey

Even though we’re all wheelchair-users, our needs regarding clothes still vary person to person. I know that for me, since I’m 5’10 with really long legs, and I sit all day, I need extra-long inseams on all of my pants, but not every other gimp is like me…

I also need:

– A long torso in my shirts so they don’t ride up, exposing my belly.

– Non-bell/flowy sleeves.

– Skirts that aren’t above the knee.

– No long jackets; they just bunch-up behind my back.

– Fabric that moves and no bulky seams.

– No itchy fabric like wool.

With that said, what do you look for in pants, shirts, jackets, etc, when buying clothes for your non-standing lifestyle?

– Tiff

by Tiff -

Stay Far, Far Away From Drunk Club Guys

Back in 2007 when I was livin’ it up as a crazed 20 something, single girl, I would go to the clubs of my fair city quite often. What can I say? It’s a great way to let off some steam, dance (yes people in wheelchairs can dance), and meet men….or at least I thought so. After several oh-my-god-annoying incidents, I decided to make a new rule for myself: Stay away from the drunk losers at the clubs! 

Now why you may ask? It’s simple: They’re out of their mind hornballs who are NOT THEMSELVES. As they say, what you do drunk, you’re likely never to do sober, and oh baby, this is so true. Let me play out the scenario for you: “Hey you’re hot,” says the drunk guy to yours truly. I’m drunk at the time too and take his compliment seriously. I smile. Encouraged, he asks for my number. We chat up, he buys me a few drinks, and we part ways with a sexy kiss. So what’s wrong here? The next day, week, month, he never calls you back.

What I can guess is that after he’s sober, he became embarrassed: “Oh my God I hit on a woman in a wheelchair, and I’m going to Hell!”  His feelings were never real, he’s not the kind of guy open-minded enough to date a disabled woman, and essentially…he’s wasted your time; truly and completely. So I’ve learned the hard way to never, ever, ever take these men seriously. In fact, stay far, far away!

Even better yet, buy a roufee and drug them. Kidding…

– Tiff

by Tiff -

Why Do I Have This Incessant Desire to Ride In a Sidecar?

I’ve had this reoccurring obsession with sidecars over the past year. There’s no explanation for it really. It kind of just came out of no where. But, if I had to pin-point its beginnings, I’d have to say it was when I saw this uber cute semi-elderly couple tooling down Washington Ave. in a vintage motorcycle/sidecar “extravaganza” one day. I was giddy at the sight! Why? Because it dawned on me that I, despite my disability, could be that passenger in the sidecar. Riding in a sidecar was still an option for me; an option I’d never even considered up until that point.

Blame it on the fact I was born in 1979; a long ass time since sidecars were popular, or whatever you want, but I was (and still partially am) oblivious to how sidecars work. All I think is that they’re adorably cute and I want to ride in one. Is that too much to ask? You don’t really see a lot of sidecars on the roads these days, and you therefore don’t run into a lot of owners either; so the knowledge-base to learn about them is hard to find. I’m thinking I’m going to start researching it online. Maybe find a “Disabled Sidecar” association, or something like that, and then see if I can score a free ride in my city. I wonder what the height/weight requirements are for sidecars anyways?

I like the vintage WWII motorcycle/sidecar combos the best. There’s this romantic allure to them whenever I see one (and it’s rare, let me say). I fantasize about some hot, young officer picking me up out of my chair, setting me in his sidecar (and giving me his helmet to wear) and us riding off into the sunset somewhere. No destination in mind, just driving, wind blowing in our faces, the smell of burning gasoline, and me chilling in the sidecar like a pea in a pod.

Maybe one day this dream will become a reality. I’ll keep you posted 🙂

by Tiff -

Colbert and Gorlock

So let’s face it, The Colbert ReporT hasn’t been at peak performance lately, being that all of their writers are currently on strike.

But (and this is a big “but” here), the creation of Gorlock, an alien financial advisor recommended to Steven by crazy-Scientologist-midget, Tom Cruise, is some of the funniest shit I’ve seen on TV in a long time…especially when Steven bitches about how Gorlock gave him bad financial advice (or never even called him), when the Stock Market tanked the other day.

Go laugh yourself some tears of pure, unadulterated alien-joy:

Go now. Must watch Gorlock.

– Tiff

by Tiff -

The Lame Para vs. Quad Debacle

In all my years as a member of the gimp community, one of the most ridiculous things I’ve come across is the way some paras and quads polarize their para or quadness, and form little lame ass gangs where they exhalt the characteristics of their injuries.

For the life of me I could never figure this out. Are they so insecure that the only way they can feel better about themselves is so talk themselves into believing they’re somehow superior than the other half of the SCI population? I just don’t get it.

And I know that a lot of quads, no matter their level, are bitter towards paras; jealous mainly of “how they got it so much easier/better.” I’m sorry, I don’t care what type of SCI someone has, but we’re all screwed, paras and quads combined. We’ve all lost a tremendous amout of ability whether we have a C2 or a L1 break, and it’s the pits no matter how you look at it….

So let’s stop the gimp-on-gimp hate okay? It’s pointless and really fucking stupid.

– Tiff

by Tiff -

Release Your Inner-Girly Girl

Channel Mariah Carey from Cribs (remember her extensive pink babydoll collection in her NYC condo? Crazy, yet impressive…), and head on down to Target for…

Tiff’s Target Buy of the Week! (a new weekly blog series)

This week I’m featuring the new line of babydolls by Gillian & O’Malley, which Target is selling for V-Day. I came across this “Young Pink” chiffon babydoll for $19.99 yesterday afternoon, and my inner-girly girl nearly peed her pants. For shiz.

Impulse-buy forthwith!

So of course, I wore it to bed last night and was even MORE pleased with it. Why? It fit my fake boobs (yes, I have implants) like a glove! And let me say right now, that that’s not an easy task….

With the light-as-air like pink chiffon ruffles sitting on my lap like a perfectly frosted cake, and the tiny pink bows pressed up against my bosom like a festoon of hungry leeches….it felt like it was custom-made (did I mention it comes with a matching pink chiffon thong?!). I felt like Marie Antoinette at her most decadent.

I bought a small. Sometimes tight ‘n snug is a million times better than roomy. And I think most straight men would agree 😉

– Tiff

by Tiff -

Words You Should Know

Filed under: Funny Sh#t, Wheelchair Life — Tiffiny @ 3:32 pm

Here’s how you say “wheelchair” in a few different languages:

– Fauteuil Roulant (French)

– Sillon de Ruedas (Spanish)

– Rollstuhl (German)

– Rolstoel (Dutch)

– Sedia a Rotelle (Italian)

– Kurumaisu (Japanese)

And on the same token, if you use a wheelchair, knowing how to say “Fuck you” in a few different languages should also prove useful:

– Va te faire toutre (French)

– Jodete (Spanish)

– Fick dich (German)

– Kutding (Dutch)

– Vaffanculo (Italian)

– Mechi Baka (Japanese)

Happy swearing wheelchair people!

– Tiff

by Tiff -

What’s Pissing Me Off

Ignorant men who stereotype women in wheelchairs.

You see, I ran across a lame ass blog today written by an even bigger lame ass, who joked about how he’s always wanted to date a woman in a wheelchair. Read on:

“I’d love to date a girl in a wheelchair. I could just sit on her lap and have her push us both around…it’s not like she couldn’t handle the weight of me sitting on her because her legs probably lack the ability to feel. And as she pushes me around on her lap, I’d go ‘WHEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!’

Also if I slept with her, she wouldn’t feel it anyway, so less effort. Lastly, it’s always been a dream of mine to nickname a girlfriend ‘Wheels.’ These are the things that are important to me.”

First of all, what a fucktard.

He has no idea what size queens women with spinal cord injuries really are. In fact, we need our partners to try harder than they would with able-bodied women so we can actually reach orgasm (which btw, is a million times harder with decreased sensation).

So to the guy with the fucking annoying blog: WE CAN STILL GET OFF FROM OUR G-SPOTS IDIOT! No lazy nights of beer drinking and Playstation 2 for you.

You gotta be on your A-Game, little man. You’re gonna need all the effort in the world to satisfy this chica 😉 And scrub my wheels while you’re at it…

– Tiff

by Tiff -

Remembering the “Shot”

It’s been years now since this revolutionary modeling agency closed it’s doors, but it still comes to my mind every once in awhile and is definitely worth blogging about. It was called the Shot (founded by Curtis Funn and Thom Gilbert) and I’d direct you to their website if I could, but it’s no longer available. This modeling agency solely had disabled models on their rooster (27 in total), ranging from people with SCI (mainly paras) to amputees. They were a breath of fresh air in the modeling world to be sure.

The New York Times even did an expansive article on the agency way back in 1997 when they first opened their doors: Models With the Ability Break Down Barriers. Paralympians like Chris Waddell and Allison Pittman were some of their notable models, as well as para and soap star from “Port Charles,” Mitch Longley (that’s him in the Ralph Lauren ad above), to amputee Ivy Gunter.

The reason as to why the agency closed was never revealed (to my knowledge at least), but one has to guess it was due to money issues, which likely stemmed from not getting enough bookings. I wonder…if an agency like this opened again in 2008, do you think it would it have a better chance at surviving? Any thoughts on how the mainstream media has gotten better or worse regarding it’s open-mindedness to disability?

– Tiff