Ever wanted to approach a woman in a wheelchair, but didn’t know what to say? So did he.
Dear Tiffiny:
If I would happen to meet a girl in a wheelchair, how do I make an approach? I mean, the chair must be an obvious matter that can not be ignored. But if I mention it… how do I do that? Should I say: “Hey, nice wheelchair?”… I´m not looking forward to a date with a woman on a wheelchair, but knowing myself so well, I really wouldn’t have a problem. Or if she is missing a limb or eyesight. As long as she is interesting, intelligent, sensitive, looks good (wears make up/nice hair etc) and is not ugly… a wheelchair is something that wouldn’t matter. So, Second: How are the rules of engagement? (I mean, what can one say or not, etc.) Could you clarify?
Sincerely,
Hoping to be Mr. Smooth
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Dr. HtoBMrS
I’m glad to hear you are open to dating a woman with a disability. As you said, dating “us” is like dating anyone else. Believe it! We can still lead interesting, full lives, be super hot, intelligent, and do it all while sitting down. “Hard to imagine that existence,” some would say. I say we’re impressive.
As for this proposed woman in a wheelchair who you may approach one day, treat her as if you were approaching a woman who COULD walk. And please, don’t mention the wheelchair when you first say hi. Just a smile and a “Hello….you’re gorgeous,” is always a successful, pitch-perfect intro. She should mention during the first date what her disability is and if she doesn’t, try asking: “I was wondering what your disability is? I don’t care either way; just curious.” She really should tell you though by the first date out of politeness. That’s her responsibility.
And remember – no cheesy wheelchair references. I know they can be hard to tame, especially if you’re new to being around a wheelchair, but you’ll soon see the chair does not define her, and she does not find herself the “Elephant” in the room, so there’s no need to talk about the chair right away. To her, it’d be like talking about her vacuum cleaner. Not. Interesting. Anytime a guy calls me “Hot Rod,” or “Speedy Wheels,” is instantly loathed in my world.
So there you go: Compliment her, not her chair. Be nice. Smile. Its really not that hard. And Carlos – I find one of your qualifiers about how in order for a woman to look good she must, “(wears makeup/nice hair etc),” quite amusing. A woman can be beautiful without makeup. You’d be surprised!
Best of luck on your dating journey,
Tiffiny
To other woman in wheelchairs: How do you like to be approached?
Have a question for Dating on Wheels? Send it to tiffiny@beautyability.com
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Ugh! I’m glad you told Carlos not to mention the chair. Nothing makes me feel more awkward than some silly reference to it immediately!
Great advice!
Thanks Ta! 🙂
I know a young lady (a few years younger than I am) who is in a wheelchair. I think she is not only gorgeous but also the kindest sweetest, most honest person I’ve ever met. I’d love to to date her but she doesn’t want to ever date or get married again to anyone. She was the only girl in her family. She’s a tomboy. Is there any way I can convince her to start dating me? She’s been very kind to me and has become a very good friend. In some ways I’m closer to her than to my family. She does let me to take her places but that’s because I have a car and it gets her out of that Horror House that they call an assisted living facility. I use to live in the same facility. She has less options to move out than I did. There are legal reasons she can’t go home to where she would like to be which is in a different state. If she wanted to she could date or get married in an instant. There is no sensible, available guy on earth that wouldn’t fall in love with her. Because I knew she preferred to be friends only I never intended to fall in love with her. She doesn’t want a guy to buy her flowers but said plants are ok. She didn’t say a fellow couldn’t grow her flowers. I do respect her desire to be just friends but I still would like to be able to date her. She was in the military and ditched her German boyfriend after 5 years when he gave her a ring. Anyway I think I’ll try praying. God is about the only one I know who could convince her. The owner of the assisted living facility won’t let me go visit her or any of my other friends in that facility. Claims I owe him money. I have evidence that I paid him.