I have been in an open relationship with a guy in a wheelchair for over a year. He reminds me often that we are not in committed relationship.
I understand why he doesn’t want to get serious, but am crazy about him. How can I make him understand that I don’t care about his disability…and thar I want us to be in a committed relationship?
It sounds like your boyfriend has a classic case of the I’m-in-a-wheelchair-and-nobody-will-like-me flu.
Relatively common, commonly cured with a swift kick to the ass. But in this case since he wouldn’t feel it, you’re going to have to give him a swift verbal kick instead.
But before that. I actually have some experience with open relationships. Not personally, but I have friends that practice this style of dating. I’m not about to say anything negative about it. It can work great for a lot of people, but only for the right reasons.
For those reading this and have no idea what I’m talking about, an open relationship means you are allowed to date other people, non-monogamy basically. It takes a lot of trust to make it work. It sounds like however you’re over having an open relationship (or maybe never wanted one in the first place?).
So you’re in love! Yay! And you want to somehow make it clear to him that you’re crazy about him, and think he’s being absolutely ridiculous about avoiding monogamy?
You need to sit him down and have a serious conversation. Tell him (in a pre-rehearsed speech, or straight from the heart, whichever your style) exactly what you just told me.
Tell him that you don’t care about his disability. Look him in eyes as you’re telling him this too, and hold his hands. You need to work it girl. He needs to believe what you’re telling him (because it sounds like he isn’t going to want to believe you right away). Sometimes, sadly, it takes a little more persuasion to get us to really believe that you want to be with us (for some of us that is).
If, after you tell him this and he still doesn’t want to be in a committed relationship, then you have no choice (in my eyes at least) but to not be with him anymore. You would be miserable, and you’d be trying to change somebody (which is the number one dating rule nobody should break).
Ok, that’s all I got. Just please, don’t be with him anymore if he persists (and I have a feeling you’ll know what to do in that moment anyways).
Wishing you luck in love,